I remember one time I was driving through Western Colorado. And Colorado has got a lot of open spaces, huge, huge areas. They call it ranch land. So here is this vast expanse, but there is a fence around it. You know, miles and miles of fence but there is still a fence. So in this big expanse of land there were two horses. Only living entities I could see – two horses in this whole area and they were standing one has got his neck on one and one has got his neck on the other. They were standing with their necks on each other like this. Looking for love, that is what they were looking for, two spirit souls coming together trying to satisfy that need.
But when we look in the wrong place that we do not find it. For relationship to be successful they have to provide us with fulfilment, with joy. And that is only coming from the spiritual source. So the real solution is – I have to base my relationship on a spiritual foundation. And how that is possible is described very clearly and we are guided in this via the bhakti yoga process.
You see, now with our position as the number one, controller, enjoyer, etc. – everyone and everything is seen as an object of my pleasure. That is the way I look at the world, I see everything as what enjoyment is here for me. How much pleasure does it contain. Why do I like something? Because it represents pleasure. Why do I like this person? Because this person represents more pleasure than this person. Therefore I direct my attention to this person.
So two people come together with this mutual exploitative vision, «Okay, we agree. You give me pleasure and I will give you pleasure.» That is basically how it works. A good relationship as we know it, you know, in a material sense is we give each other pleasure. She gives me pleasure, I give her pleasure, and therefore we are happy.
How much pleasure do we have to give really? It is all based on the body, sensual pleasure. And that includes emotions. You say, «Oh, but our relationship is so deep, it is so emotional.» It is still on the material platform, it is not on spiritual platform.
Am I really seeing the one that I am in a relationship with as a spirit soul, part and parcel of the Supreme Soul? Do I really see the need of this person is developing their eternal loving relationship with the Supreme Person? Am I really in this relationship trying to make it possible for them to achieve this goal and therefore attain real happiness and satisfaction? Is this why I am relating to this person in this way? Is this really my motive?
And the answer will almost always be “no”. I am relating with this person because I am expecting this person to provide me my pleasure: sensually, emotionally or whatever it is. And that is why often times we get married with the illusion – this is how it is going to be, this person is really going to make me happy. And then later on I find out then they do not. They do not satisfy me. They are giving me everything they have to give me perhaps; and I am tired of it. I have already received everything they have got to offer and it is not enough. One great sage said in relation to this idea, «You know, first when I saw her she appeared like an ocean of pleasure but later on after I travelled on the waters shores many times she was reduced to a small pond.” It gets less and less.
So once we have determined that there is no pleasure here either I just stay in this relationship because of obligation to kids or, you know, maybe I am still in the old days when you just get the best of the bad bargain and you do not get divorced. I mean that is very ancient stuff but that is how it is supposed to be. Or you just stay there because you just do not have anywhere else to go or you are too attached although it is so painful, whatever and you suffer. You suffer. There are so many people suffering in relationships right now that originally started as something that was going to bring me pleasure, not suffering.
Domestic violence is the number one crime on this planet. Domestic violence is number on crime on the planet. You say,
– Domestic violence? That does not sound right. Does that mean violence in the home?
– Yes, that is what domestic violence is – violence in the home.
– Oh, I see. And is that not supposed to be a home where people love each other? Is that not what homes are about, where you actually love each other?
That is how it should be, but obviously it is not how it is. How many homes are based on that?
I have a friend, I lived in Los Angeles for some time and I have a friend who was a policeman in Los Angeles. Difficult job, policeman, you do not want that job. He moved from Los Angeles and took a job as a policeman in a very small ski town in Mammoth Mountain six hours north of Los Angeles. Ideal location in beautiful mountains, a very small town. You would think, «Wow, what a good upgrade, you know, going from LA PD to just a policeman in Mammoth Mountain, you can go there and ski all the time, fantastic place.
And then after maybe a year or year and a half he comes back to LA, I saw him and I said, “What are you doing here?” He was in uniform and I said, “What, are you doing back here?” He said, “Oh, man. Here is much better then there.” I said, “I thought there basically was no crime.” He said, “Yes, there is basically no crime that you would think: robberies, murders and all that kind of stuff. But,” he said, “Basically all the calls we had were for domestic violence.” And you do not want to be in the middle of that. That is the worse situation to be. Mammoth Mountain, ideal, this is where you go to enjoy life.
I lived in a small town in Colorado called Crested Butte, a little ski town. Three thousand residents and you have got everything at your fingertip: you have got skiing, you have got mountain bikes, you have got hiking, you have got rafting, you have got rock climbing, you have got whatever you want to do in nature right there. And it is a very, very clean nice town. There are no stoplights, no McDonalds, there is no fast food chains in the whole place. The air is so clean you cannot believe it. It is utopia in so many ways, you see, and it’s full of people with broken relationship. This guy is divorced, this women is crying, this one did not work out, this is the second marriage and third marriage. Kids from this parent and that parent, you know. You say, wow, it should not be like that. But it is, because everybody is trying to enjoy the relationships, that is the purpose. And when it does not work it does not work. It just does not work.